032 Haters, love lists, and YOUR people.
Explore strategies for managing negative feedback and internet trolls in today's episode of the Video Confidence Coachcast.
Topics Discussed This Episode:
0:00-4:00 Introduction to dealing with online haters and the emotional impact of unsolicited negativity.
4:00-8:00 Discussion on the importance of support networks and the typical lack of substantial criticism from genuine stakeholders.
8:00-12:00 Strategies for maintaining personal values in the face of criticism and minimizing the impact of superficial judgments.
12:00-15:00 Effective use of personal anecdotes to highlight resilience against negativity and practical tips for handling hate comments online.
This episode tackles the often gritty reality of handling online hate and criticism, particularly when stepping into new endeavors or public platforms. Discover practical advice on maintaining your focus and integrity amidst unwanted comments and online negativity.
The podcast emphasizes the challenge of facing 'haters' especially for those who are new to the public eye or trying out new ventures. It discusses how often, the negativity one might encounter online or in public settings is not reflective of one's true audience or supporters but rather of individuals who engage in destructive behavior under the veil of anonymity. The host shares personal experiences and client interactions that illustrate how negative feedback, when not constructive, should be managed and compartmentalized to prevent it from derailing personal or professional growth.
Listeners are encouraged to focus on the support and positive feedback from their real audience and to use constructive criticism for growth while disregarding malicious intent. A practical tool called a 'love list' is suggested, where positive feedback and affirmations can be collected and revisited to boost morale during tough times. The call to action urges listeners to not only protect their mental space by managing how they interact with negative feedback but also to remember the importance of surrounding themselves with a supportive community, whether online or offline, to foster a healthier, more positive personal and professional life.
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0:00
Zoe,
0:06
haters, love lists and your people. Welcome to the video. Confidence coach, cast with me, your host. Zoe, the video. Confidence coach, today I want to talk about something that can be quite gritty and a bit overwhelming for some of us. I want to talk haters. So these are specifically people who you may have worked with, or people who are completely foreign to you, complete strangers to you, usually on the internet, because that provides them some sort of anonymity. But sometimes people be crazy, and they happen to do this in real life too. Essentially, what I like to class a hater is, and especially when working with clients is someone who is not is very good at talking the talk, not very good at walking the walk. You can have complete strangers, and especially over these past couple of weeks, I've had an influx of faceless people the way that they speak to me, usually men, people, usually reaching out to me via DM and then sometimes leaving comments on my social media, essentially saying I am a clown, that I don't that I don't know what I'm talking about, that, you know, leading essentially, mainly attacking my looks more than the actual what I'm talking about. Because there's only been one person that commented on my actual content, and it was clear that they hadn't actually watched any of my content or any of my messaging or anything like that, and that's fine if I don't resonate you, and if I'm not for you, that is okay. But to take time and energy out of your day to then reach out to me, to respond to me, is a different kind of energy that I'm not sure you're going to get anything out of But I digress. So this is a very big problem I find, especially with my women clients, non binary. It's a bit 5050
1:52
even though that's not how it works. When it comes to that reaction, there's a lot of fear of trying something new and doing something new and receiving backlash from it, and I'm going to tell you now that most of the time, especially when you do not have a pre established audience, you are not going to get a lot of backlash. You're not really going to get a lot of feedback, unless it's people that you already know from your personal life or maybe your corporate life, or people that you already know who are wanting, willing and wanting to support you, and they want to see you succeed.
2:23
If they are true friends and supporters, they want to see you succeed. So in that case, that's probably the people that you're going to get responses from. And as you continue to grow and continue to work and do what you're doing, you're not some of those people are going to drop off, because obviously everyone has busy lives, but also understand that you are most likely never going to receive a lot of backlash unless something out of the blue or something strange happens, and when that happens, having this knowledge and hopefully this podcast to back you up will be able to give you some of that bit of pep talk that I usually like to give my clients, because when we talk about haters, and that has come into the lexicon Within the past 10 years, especially on the internet, these people are usually people who have no skin in the game, as in, they are not business owners themselves, or if they are, they are people who have the energy and time to comment on a random business post that may not really resonate with them or may not even be what they need. What I mean by this is that at the end of the day, you are showing up, you are serving your clients, and you are doing your best at all times.
3:33
Yes, you're not able to give 120%
3:35
all the time, and nor should you, but you are there to serve and to help people. If you know that in your core and your values are staying tight, tried and true, and you are not breaking them. You do not need to bend yourself to accommodate a random stranger from nomaha Nebraska who is going on a tirade, who you know is saying something about your looks. Because, of course, Your looks are like the lowest fruit, lowest hanging fruit when it comes to someone making random comments on the internet. And I'm not saying that just because I've experienced a little bit of an uptick of that myself, but it's mainly in the case of, for you,
4:12
do they have skin in the game? What they say about you says more about them than it does you. And I'm not saying that as like a, you know, a teacher in the schoolyard saying that, Oh, you shouldn't take care about what the bullies think. If the bullies are hurting you, then, yeah, sure, then do something about it. But do not feel the need to give them more energy and more space than
4:37
essentially what you are willing to give a random passer on the street. So say, for example, a good example of this was, I think, a couple of years ago. So I worked in a co working space in the CBD in Geelong, where I live. And I would work there, like, three, four, maybe five days a week. And during the really hot days and the really cold days, I would have a very.
5:00
Large, bright rainbow umbrella. So I would always take that with me, because at the time, I was going through cancer treatment, and my skin was sensitive as hell to sunlight, so I did my best to like leather on sunscreen, but I still needed to like, keep myself in shade almost all the time for fear of getting burnt. Because my skin was healing, as you can probably imagine, with everything else that was going on in on my insides. So again, I was where I was using a umbrella all the time, and it was a nice big rainbow umbrella, because I like it. I found it. And knowing me, as some of you may already do, I'm a bright person. I like to wear bright things, sight, shiny things I wear to, like big makeup I wear to. I like to have heart shaped lips, because it's fun, and I can, and I can put paint on my face, because why not? Like enjoy yourself, enjoy life. So the reason I'm telling you this story is one day I was walking along, I think I was walking to a meeting that I had, and someone leaned out of the car as it was driving by and screamed the F slower at me. And of course, I was taken aback, being like, wow. People really have the audacity to say that.
6:12
And then I saw them drive off, almost hit another car. That's digress.
6:18
And then I thought, ah, am I going to let that affect me? Not really. Am I going to let that stick with me? No. And the only reason I'm telling you this story now is because that is what
6:32
that type of interaction is on the internet. People feel more embracing to do that because they can be more anonymous, a keyboard warrior, type, if you will. But those people get a thrill of getting a reaction out of you, very much like a primary school bully. Would
6:49
they enjoy getting a reaction out of you and being able to cause you any emotional distress? And
6:55
I find that quite funny, because that's what you're spending your energy doing. That's what you're spending your time doing, instead of helping your community, serving the people in your vicinity, or maybe your friends or your family, like you're spending your energy and time doing that
7:16
so that can put things into perspective for you. Now, of course, when I talk about haters, I'm not talking about people with genuine criticism, and criticism is okay. We can all learn from that. And for some of my clients, that can hit a little bit harder to home than normal. But that's what seeking out mentorship is for. That's what seeking out, you know, people who are going through the same thing as you, trying to grow their business, trying to make a difference, then once you have a chat with them about it, they're going to make you feel a whole lot better, because they are going to experience the same things as you do. And I'm going to tell you now that happens a lot more than you think. And like I said, it reflects more on them than it does with you. And
7:57
I want to give yourself that knowledge so that you can keep that in the back of your mind when you come across this in your real life and in your business, because unfortunately, you are going to come across this at some point, whether you have you know a large wave of people, and then it quickly dies down, usually because
8:18
you've shown up on Someone's feed, and then the algorithm does its thing, and then you end up on the wrong side of the algorithm. And again, if you are not speaking to these people, if these people are not who you're trying to serve, do not try and bend and break to them. Sure. It's not great to receive comments, especially talking about for a very long time, I had a lot of comments, just talking about my weight,
8:44
and just talking about how fat I was, how much of a pig I was. And I thought, Ooh, is that? Is that really the best you got? Come on, try out that. I say worst things to me. I say worst things to myself every day.
8:58
You know, my own mother has said worst things to me. Come on, dear worst and I, of course, when it comes to reacting to these comments, it's entirely your prerogative. I do not recommend deleting them. Deleting these comments, because these can send red flags to the algorithm. And I have been like, not shadow banned, but a lot of social media platforms when I was actively deleting these type of comments would say, you know, no, no, no, no, and essentially penalize me for it. And of course, when it comes to social media, it is rented land. You do not control the rules. I do not also recommend responding to them. Like, if you feel like you have the time and energy to respond to these people, sure, but you also don't have to, and that is okay.
9:42
Whatever works for you and your energies, and especially in your time of growth. When it comes to a business, can work for you however you however you need, ultimately.
9:52
So one thing I do want to ask you, and a mantra that I keep to myself, is when I come across these hate comments in other people's posts in my clients.
10:00
Post, or when I come across this on my own content, I think, would I do this behavior? Would I let hate and vitriol drive me
10:10
to the point where I would give myself power by putting other people's other people down? And hopefully, if this is reaching you, then that's probably not the case.
10:20
So usually when it comes to these type of comments, I think, Oh, I pity this person, and they don't like that.
10:28
Oh, they don't like it, especially when you mention it and say, Oh, I pity you next. Yeah, again, don't let it sit in your mind. Now, of course, especially when you are not having a good week, or maybe not having a good year, these type of things can really pierce your heart, and I want to give you that knowledge that it's okay, it will pass, and it's something that you can laugh about with your friends after work, or laugh about with other business owners who are experiencing the same thing. Because, of course, these people who are making these comments, especially the faceless ones,
11:05
they're not doing what you're doing. They're not putting in the work, they're not showing up, they are not actively putting in the work to grow a community to support people.
11:16
So why should they deserve any of your energy and time if they are not do if they haven't been in the same position as you, and nor do they ever want to. They just want to be angry little people on the internet, Okay, have fun with that mentality for the rest of your life, because that is who you are never going to change.
11:37
So I want you just to be loud, be you, be honest when marketing yourself and your business. And that is what I'm here to do at my work, at the work that I do at the video confidence coach, as you can probably imagine, because it's in the name. The last part that I want to get to in this particular topic is I want to give you guys a tool that I like to use in moments like this. So in moments when you feel maybe a little bit vulnerable, a little bit sensitive, and you come across a hate comment and say, for example, maybe as part of your daily routine, of your business activities, you go onto your social medias and respond to comments and reach out to people and do your best to network virtually as well as in person, hopefully, and in moments like this, maybe when you're not feeling that crash hot, it's okay to feel it,
12:29
but don't let it sit with you. Let you, let yourself feel it, and let yourself and let it go. And if you're struggling with that second part of letting go, then using like the and this next tool might be useful for you. I like to call it a love list. And love is a very strong word here, but essentially it's I take screenshots, and
12:51
mainly screenshots honestly, but like some emails and some text of people who love what you do, people who maybe have attended a workshop, or people who have met you at a networking event, or essentially any positive feedback that you get from people, not just online, but maybe in person as well, and take that opportunity to put it in one area, like maybe in, for example, I use, like an Evernote or one of these online notebook tools, but maybe you can Just write these things down in a paper notebook, if that's what's useful for you, whatever is the system of writing these things down, make sure you collect them all in one place so you can find them later, and you can continue to add them as you keep going, of course, and as you keep growing and being able to have this tool That is always growing, because when you are putting your clients first, when you are serving your clients to the best of your abilities, they're going to love you. The people that you are wanting to attract and bring into your sphere of influence and your sphere of authority are people who want to be there, so they are going to then, in return, show you love and affection back. So and again, this can be as simple as a like I can see my love list now of you know, Thank you, Zoe, this meant so much to me. As simple as that. And when you work with a small business owner, any sort of reply like that is invaluable, and it makes them feel so much better.
14:18
And I use this again, as an opportunity to be able to have this list that I continually update. So in moments like this, where I'm feeling a little bit down, or I'm letting the hate comments get to me a little bit or it just feels like, why am I even doing this? No one cares. No one even wants what I'm selling. No one even wants to work with me. I can look at these comments, I can look at my clients and know that I'm doing good, that I can feel that I'm doing good, because I can see the evidence of that.
14:53
And that is a feeling that is ever growing, that is evergreen, as I like to call it, something that's going to constantly give back.
15:00
To you,
15:01
and it's also something that gives you that opportunity to just reflect on the good that you've done. And if you are a new business owner, and maybe you don't have a lot of these to look onto or reflect onto, or maybe even collect throughout your website or your emails or your social media or like or your email list, where, like, wherever you are, finding these things, that's okay. It will grow and definitely grow over time as you continue to put in the work into your business.
15:29
But you can also use, you know, letters from loved ones, from your family, from partners, from kids, maybe even your pets, if they're willing to communicate with you
15:44
having those things again, physical things, be it a physical book or maybe even just a digital version of these memories, to be able to remind you that, yeah, I'm doing good and I'm okay this random stranger on the internet who knows nothing about me except that I am loud, big and fat. Those two things, kind of, those last two things are kind of the thing that they like to focus on, not what my actual message is, not what my value is, and not actually what I'm bringing to the table, because that would require effort and time that they're not willing to put in that order to require putting energy into
16:22
anything really, and of course, that would not make you know that wouldn't take that would take away the enjoyment of just making you suffer. Because why would it?
16:34
But remember, another tool that I recommend that is also along the lines of the love list, is making sure that you emphasize, especially in your life and in your business life, the importance of human connection over online engagement. Because, yes, it can be very addictive to see number go up when it comes to your social media, with your email or with your website, anything that you're doing with your business, especially when it comes to marketing, it can be very you know, it's nice to see number go up, but number isn't always going to go up. And relying your internal happiness on a metric that you cannot fully control, especially when it comes to social media,
17:13
relying on those in person,
17:18
like relationships that you have with other business owners, with family, with friends, with pets,
17:26
with other people out there, who I usually people who don't have any skin in the game. Again, these could be business mentors, or these could be other people in your sphere, where they know that you run a business, and they are proud of you and they want to support you, but they also don't. They want you to be happy. They want you to do whatever you're passionate about, because they're there for you, and to take that time, to put down the phone, to log off the computer, to back away or close the laptop, and to be able to just yeah, have that interaction, and if possible, in person,
18:05
makes a world of difference, and can make that stress again. Of random people on the internet, especially the hate and their vitriol, go away,
18:14
because what they say shows more of their character than it does yours, because you are here to serve. You are here to grow your your business, but also you're here to grow your clients. You're here to grow your customers with however you intend to do that with the products and services you provide.
18:35
You're here to serve, and they aren't. So don't let that hold you to account and stay too hard in your heart,
18:44
because the internet is very much increasingly getting not getting worse,
18:50
but it's because the internet is so ubiquitous, and almost almost everyone is on it, and people can then take that opportunity to make themselves feel good by
19:03
making other people feel worse, and that
19:06
is not exactly the person that I want to be, nor do I want to interact with people who choose to do that.
19:17
So I hope you found today's podcast insightful and helpful. Make sure to check out our mentoring service if you're looking for mentoring of your own, and if you want someone, especially in the marketing space, who can be your mentor, I do run regular
19:32
open seasons for mentoring. If you're interested, feel free to check out the website at VCC, dot training slash mentoring. Look forward to seeing you at the next podcast episode, bye, bye.
The above episode description and transcript were generated with ai.
Who is your host?
Zoë Wood, your Video Confidence Coach connects the dots between personal branding and video marketing. Helping women and non-binary folk in small business, find their way in the world of marketing their passion without the energy drain.
Find out more about how to grow your personal brand with the power of video right here on vcc.training
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